Facing My Ghost

Unexpectedly, I found myself sitting across from the ghost of my childhood.

I can’t tell you the times I have thought, and rethought, how I imagined it would feel to be able to go back and tell that little version of me  “it’s not your fault” or “you are not to blame”.

Or most importantly,

“You are not what someone else did to you.”

I can’t begin to tell you the times I’ve imagined that conversation.  Or convinced myself that I have done that, had that talk, by making all of the strides I’ve made in my life since that child first felt fear.

None of those imaginings could compare to the reality I lived recently.

When I sat across from a child.  A child who voiced the things I never could.

And I said.

“It’s not your fault”.

“You are not to blame”.

And most importantly.

“You are not what someone else did to you.”

That child looked back at me.

And I saw

The ghost of me

Smile.

And softly say

Thank you for setting me free.

 

 

Across From Myself

46 thoughts on “Facing My Ghost

  1. When I look back I remember the tough,stand away from me, angry, isolated, lonely but very strong girl who battled her way through a life no one could see. And now I’m free I’m so proud of that girl I once was.
    Thanks for the reminder.
    I’ll celebrate both of our freedoms today.

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  2. You were lucky to have this experience. It goes a very long way to healing. Sometimes, we just need to have that kind of compassion for others before we feel the same for our former self. That child, a blessing. 💘

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  3. Colleen, you got me again. I get you. If I looked in the mirror now I might see that little girl with freckles and pig-tails who I should have loved more. Your drawing is giving the continued hope and out reach that I live by. Brilliant, Colleen.

    Like

  4. This is all to real for many of us. It is such a relief to see someone write so beautifully on the matters that lay within those dark corners in our minds. Beautifully written.

    Like

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