We were talking about parenting,
Someone told me,
A healthy fear of consequences is not a bad thing.
I learned it young, I still have it, I still benefit from it.
I couldn’t agree more, Colleen. I learned early to watch what happened to others! I saw consequences meted out to others based upon their deeds and decisions, and figured out early what “worked” and what “didn’t work!” Healthy fear, indeed!
Thank you Debra. I don’t see ‘all’ fear as a bad thing. It’s kind of like stress. From all I’ve read over the years there are good stressors that our bodies/lives need and respond well too. I feel the same way about ‘fear’.
I’m going to have to think about this one. An understanding of consequences is definitely a good thing. Not sure how I feel about the fear part. I need to digest the idea. The drawing is great.
Carolin, I suspected when I wrote this that there would be some question regarding the use of ‘fear’ as healthy. Like I told Debra, I liken it to what I learned about ‘stress’ over the years. Not all stress is bad. Though when we use the word stress it usually indicates something bad. But we need, and respond to, many different variations of stress. I feel ‘fear’ is in the same category. I know that fear can be a horrible thing (I’ve experienced it). But it can also be something that helps us. Keeps us safe and aware. Yes, it can be debilitating. One small example, when I was growing up I used to say I feared upsetting/disappointing/angering my parents. Someone said to me as a young adult that I didn’t ‘fear’ my parents, I respected them. That was the truth, but there was still truth in I feared hurting them or disappointing them. It helped me make many decisions along the way. And when we have decisions to make….my fear of hurting them was often part of my decision making. I hope that makes sense.
My younger brother had a much greater fear than I did which meant the poor fella often got dragged into trouble.
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Hhhmmmm, being in the middle, I suspect I was both a dragger and a draggee at different points. 🙂
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My parents say that I learnt from my elder brother’s mistakes. Looking at him I realized what all things can get me into trouble and I would already begin to cry if I did something that I shouldn’t 😀 😀
That crying helped me to avoid lot of punishments though!
That’s the truth. I saw it in others as well. I would be horrified, even as a child, when someone did something they knew was wrong and got caught. I couldn’t imagine doing that on purpose!
like tric, i tended to be the one to try things hands-on, and learn for myself what happened after. I’m not big on the fear approach, but understanding consequences makes sense. i’ll get there one day….
I suspected people would not fully agree/concur/understand the way I use ‘fear’ and ‘healthy’ together. (Check out my comment to Carolin). And as far as that wily one Tric said….and you…..I was a middle kid. I suspect I was on both ends of that. 🙂
I fear the new generations being given false praise, unearned rewards, and no consequences of significance are walking into adulthood unprotected by the lessons that consequences provide.
We’ve seen the evidence in our ‘adults’ for sure Chris. It is scary. It’s nice to hear a parent echo the common sense we were raised on.
agree…because not fearing about consequences often drags you into trouble…..a personal experience ;P….
So true. We must know and understand consequences. Being protected from them hurts everyone.
Yes, like the benefits of mild anxiety helping keep one alert. 🙂
Well THAT is a fantastic way to look at that one!!!
Let’s hear it for the frontal lobe!! 🙂
HERE HERE!!!!!!! (That’s technically a cheer)
I totally agree, my dad raised us this way. The gear of consequence helped us think twice about being bad.
Amen. My parents did the same for us. We had consequences. Good and bad. We learned what it meant and we either benefitted from the good or suffered the bad.
I’m in full agreement. All sorts of examples in modern times show that it is a lesson that is sadly lacking in many areas.
Amen Peter, sadly, amen.
Yeah! Boundaries & consequences are necessary & beneficial. Hoping lots of folks see your excellent post.
Thank you GB! 🙂
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