I Wasn’t Trapped


A very long time ago, during another bitterly cold winter, I found myself alone in the country.

I couldn’t have been but 12 or 14 years old.

For some reason I decided to take a walk.  I was warm and toasty in the little cabin.  But there was something imploring me to go outside and walk.   I turned off the old black and white Tarzan movie, ate some bread and colby cheese before I got dressed to go out.  I bundled up as best as I could.  Nothing but my nose and my eyes were visible.

The snow was abnormally deep.  The sky grayish white.  The kind of color that if you look into the distance and there is no obstruction you can’t tell where the sky meets the snow covered ground.  The colors were identical.

When I stepped outside it didn’t feel as bitter cold as it was.  I remember being warm, and staying warm, for the entire walk.

I can, to this day, recall the feeling I had when I went outside into that snow world.  I’ve never experienced it since.  I want that world again.  I want it today.  Right now.

The entire world existed in that snowscape.  The sky and the snow met all around me to lock me in it’s world.  I walked.  Though it should have felt like I was exerting extreme effort, it didn’t.  The snow was deep.  Deeper than my boots were tall.   I had to high step every single step.  There were no paths.  There was no ‘easy’ way.

But it felt so easy.

And the air.  It was delicious.

And the trees were sentinels of that world.  Their browns and grays and blacks creating places for the snow to pile up higher than my shoulders in some places as the wind blew the snow against them.

I was alone.

In a world of my own.

And I want that world again.  I want it today.  Right now.

There was nothing else out there.  No animal.  No human.  No worries.  No fears.

Nothing could have moved in that world without me seeing it.

I walked.

And walked.

And walked.

Sometimes I stopped.  Just to stare.  At a world that no one else was a part of.  No one else could break into.  No one else could have.

It was mine.

I had never felt so safe.

The world around me was enclosed, but I wasn’t trapped.  I was free.

There are so many things in life that I can’t recall.

But that walk, I remember vividly.

In detail.

I want that world again.  Today.  Right now.

I would take that walk today.

And share it with others.