I remember walking home from school. It was a short walk but often times felt so long. Maybe because I measure by the length of my legs today compared to the length of my legs as a child.
I would walk out of the old stone school building and cross the street in front of the school where our principal Sr. Anne had managed to get the city or street department to put in a traffic signal. The traffic signal that gave us a safer cross walk and a crossing signal for all of her little charges. The same light that a police officer stood in front of the entire school assembly and told us had been put in illegally. All of Sr. Anne’s little charges sitting on the floor filled the large cafeteria with “ooooohs” and “aaaaahs”. I felt bad for her. I crossed there every day of school for eight years. Safely, I might add.
I would walk up the street, passing the church on my left, that sat on the same side of the street as the school. It is a grand church. I would turn right and walk up my grandparents driveway. Always making sure to walk on their half of the driveway. Not Fanny’s. I was told Fanny didn’t like us walking on her part of the drive way.
I would walk past my grandparent’s house. On my left. Curve to my left past the house, then to my right, to pass along their garage. The garage without any front.
Their driveway also had a parking area behind the house. When the parking area and garage stopped, the yard started.
This is where the brick side walk began. The sidewalk ran right down the middle of the large yard. I would walk the brick sidewalk through the yard. The first half of the yard had trees and lovely grass. I would then pass the shed on the right where they kept things locked up. Like their electric mower. Past the shed was a fire place built right in the yard out of cement blocks. Then I would reach the hedges. They split the large back yard in half. On the right, past the hedges was a garden. It was a wonderful vegetable garden. I’m sure I didn’t appreciate it as much then as I would now.
For all of the hundreds, thousands, of times I walked that walk I remember one day very clearly.
One day.
I think about this day a lot.
I wanted to get home. I don’t know why. Maybe I was tired. Maybe I had to go to the bathroom. Maybe I was hungry. Maybe I didn’t want to carry my books any more. Maybe I just didn’t want to talk to anyone.
This one day, Grandfather was in the garden.
I can see him in his light weight jacket. I believe it was light tan. Holding a hoe or a rake under his arm. But using his hands to tie up the tomatoes.
He didn’t see me.
I knew I should have stopped to talk with him. But for some reason I just wanted to keep going. For whatever pressing reasons little kids have.
I can’t tell you how many days I may have stopped to talk to him.
But I can clearly tell you about that day that I did not.
And it haunts me.
I imagine all of the things he may have told me. Had I stopped to talk with him.
If I remember what didn’t happen….. imagine what I would remember if it had happened. That conversation.
I missed it. That chance. On that day.
And it went unsaid. All of the things I wish, now, that I had the chance to ask him, then.
I think about it often.
What I missed.
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Oh,, Those times missed, pieces of conversation missed, words missed, wisdom missed, a smile missed, a chance to give a friendly helping hand missed, …… I often think of those times missed, when I should’ve stop in my tracks, and taken the time, to not miss one of life’s little opportunities, to talk about life, love and more………………. memories missed, dad, mum, and Carole……
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You so very much get it Ivor. ❤
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Yes, I feft your reverberations here
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When we are so young we think differently than now being wiser.
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Truth. I am grateful for my lessons Ute.
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Aww, this is really sad Colleen. But I went on that walk WITH you – seeing it all. Lovely.
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Thank you for going with me Lorraine. 🙂
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It was truly lovely Colleen 😊. I hope that was a smile lol
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It was 🙂
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But all the times you did stop and all the things you did share, MBC …
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This is true MBM. Funny how I remember the ‘not’ stopping more than anything.
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I have very similar feelings.
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Just gets me. The things I wished I had known to ask. I don’t wait for my grands to ask….I TELL THEM! 😉
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…but you learned things by the not doing, and the not saying, and the not hearing. Had you stopped to talk then you would have missed those.
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This is true Peter, there are lessons from then, that help me now.
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I imagine we all have missed wonderful opportunities like that. What is special is that you remember it so well!
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I do remember it Pricelss…SO much!
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I have felt the same about distances – they seem so different on our longer legs now 🙂 And yes I miss a couple of conversations that I missed having.
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Isn’t it amazing how we can walk this earth, no where near one another, not have actual/physical interactions, but we share the feelings and experiences?
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Absolutely amazing! Such joy of resonance 🙂
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I think of these times too…. Like how many times I didn’t call or visit Grandma – if only I had known how little time I would have with her…
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It has made me more mindful of sharing with my grandchildren, telling them things they may not think to ask.
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Such a sweet memory, and yes, tinged with a little sadness and regret. I so often have similar memories, at least wondering if I was as present to the little moments that we can’t get back. I miss my grandparents and think of them so often. There are a lot of days we’d like to have back and do again, aren’t there, Colleen!
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It is the one thing I “would” change if I could Debra. NOt change things that happened so much, as change my interests and BE interested when they were there to talk. I have some fond memories of stories they DID tell me….and was fascinated. But I didn’t know enough to ask things like I would now (of course).
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Powerful memory. Sorry it still haunts you. I’ve had similar experiences with friends I’ve lost
In sobriety. It’s after they die that I look back and see all the signs. And wish that I spoke up when I could have.
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Thank you Mark. Though I’ve learned things that help me ‘now’, it does still sting some.
And I’m sorry for those haunting experiences and friends you’ve lost. All of the “what if’s” and “only ifs” that we carry….they can make us stronger or do us in.
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The questions never asked.
The words never said.
This truly resonates….
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Thank you TLAB.
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There are so many things that I remember. However, some of them I wish I could erase and start over!
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Well there’s that too!
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I’m glad you also have some of the memories of the days you did stop to connect with and experience him.
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Me too Jim. He was a wonderful man.
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