No matter how much you deny your truth
There is always someone who knows
And you have to live with the fact
That they do know.
I used to work with kids. Kids who had gotten into trouble. One day I was left in charge. The director was gone, I was next in line to make decisions, and there was a bit of a situation. Something had happened. As part of our program we focused on responsibility and consequences. The consequences were not just negatives, consequences can also be positive. You act, and as a result of your action, you have a consequence. How you act is up to you. This time there would be a consequence that none of the kids wanted to deal with.
None of the kids wanted to own up or fess up.
They were all pointing fingers. They were all denying.
In a rare moment of wisdom I brought all of the kids together in the office, with a brilliant counselor and myself. Quite honestly I felt I needed the support and possibly the intervention if I couldn’t resolve this. I sat the kids in a semi circle and the counselor and I faced them.
Again, I asked what happened.
Again, nothing but blame and denial. I waited a few minutes and then stopped the pointless conversation.
I told them that within this room was every single person who knew exactly what had happened. And every single person can tell whatever story they want to tell. But, regardless of what you say, there is someone in this room who knows if you are lying. And that person will forever know you as a liar. Even if you’re scared, or worried it’s going to impact your program and you end up having to stay longer, there is a truth.
And this truth is known by someone else.
That person who knows, you may like, or even worse, don’t like. But they are sitting right here, right now, knowing you are lying.
That’s what they will know about you.
Forever.
I had brought the counselor in as my support.
She sat back, placed her hands on her crossed knee, nodded at me and remained silent with me.
The kids?
The first one spoke up and told his part, then the next child, then the next. Every one of them told me what happened. We had a good talk after that. The counselor led us into some thoughtful discussion. I’m sure it didn’t change their lives forever. But for that moment, those kids didn’t want to be known as liars. They didn’t want someone else walking out of that room knowing something about them that would be difficult to change later.
Today, I so often want to bring people into a room with me and that counselor. And say – look, there’s a truth here and you aren’t telling it. You can tell whatever story you want to tell. But someone, and it might be someone you don’t like, will leave here knowing you are a liar. And you can never change that. Someone will forever know you as a liar. And you will have one hell of a time ever changing that. Because it’s not an opinion. It’s a truth.
I think about that night often. I don’t want there to be anyone who can look at me and know a truth I didn’t own. And truthfully, it’s not easy to look at someone, and know their truth.
©
This hits home really hard Colleen. I have a husband who is an addictive liar. He knows that I know he is not telling the truth when he is telling someone else something. But also I do not know when he is lying to me and when he is not. It is virtually impossible to live with. But even when he is shown up as a liar he does not care. Lying, for me, is completely not in my book. I experience the harm it does.
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I’m sorry to hear this Lorraine. That is a difficult situation to be in. There is such harm in lying. I’m sorry you experience this.
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It is difficult. But there are ways of coping. Hard, but possible. You basically have to become self sufficient and isolate your own life as much as possible from that person. I really did find your story interesting, with the psychologist. Maybe if lying was dealt with like this, at a young age, it would noe develop into becoming so destructive. I do think that lying is accepted in our society a lot though.
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I agree. If we could only teach and reinforce these lessons to everyone. I sometimes think adults should take refresher kindergarten classes.
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Lol Colleen. I know you meant that seriously, and I agree. But it just struck my giggle bone! You are right though.
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Oh I kind of hoped for a chuckle. It would help everyone! But its still funny 😉
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I know lol
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this is absolutely brilliant and what an unforgettable and powerful lesson you taught them that day. “consequences can also be positive.” I love this.
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Thank you Beth. I still remember hoping it would work.
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You are a very wise woman – I wish we had a little more of that throughout every branch of leadership for this country right now!
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Thank you for thinking so Sheri. I wrote quite some time ago how the leaders of this world should be made to sit in a room full of moms. There would be some shaking up going on.
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So true!!!! I think we should start a petition! 😁
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Sign me up!
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Powerful.
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Thank you Paulette.
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Bottle that wisdom and you’ll be a millionaire.
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Oh if only Ray. 🙂 I can’t say I wouldn’t then go live on an island and keep my wisdoms to myself 😉
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I adore this Colleen. It is such a powerful reality and should make every single person a little bit uneasy at some stage of their lives. Unfortunately, with some people, it never would!
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Thank you Peter. It was probably one of my ‘best’ moments. Because it worked. I wrote this years ago, years after it happened, and I still think about it and those kids.
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..and I bet that many of them have also thought of it over the years.
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I hope so. But maybe, too, it was my lesson to learn. 🙂
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Powerful message, and I agree there’s so many situations where a person would love to use this and perhaps it might make a difference. I’m sure a few if not all the kids in your circle that day took away something important from that talk.
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I sometimes wonder about this kids Kathy, and wonder if they ever consciously or unconsciously reflect on what we tried to teach them during that time. And thank you.
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I’m sure they do. 😊
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This is a brilliant revelation in life, MBC. Simple wisdom at its best.
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Thank you MBM. I feel I am at my best when I keep it simple.
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Lying. Takes up so much energy. And after a while one who does lie cannot keep straight all the lies that have been said. So, I make it my policy to be honest. Powerful message, Colleen. I couldn’t help but read “the leaders should be made to sit in the same room as moms.” OH do I agree!! Bless you for sharing your wisdom. xo
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That’s a great way of saying it AmyRose. It DOES take up a lot of energy. Energy I would rather spend on other things. And I would sign up to be a mom sitting a room with those leaders!
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I’d be right behind ya, signing up. I would have a thing or two to say. (wink!)
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