Not Good Enough

 

 

Vulnerable, Fear, Battle

 

I received a pretty huge rejection this week.  I was naive enough, brave enough, hopeful enough to think…it could happen.  It didn’t.  That moment of reality where the crush reaches just inside of your chest to put the squeeze on and tells you….you aren’t good enough…is pretty rough.  Then that lingering aftertaste of you shouldn’t be doing this just hangs out in the corner of your mind, quietly but noticeably mocking you.  Even while you answer that never ending craving to create.

Today my naivety, my courage and my hope are still winning.

A little more battered, but still standing.

 

©

33 thoughts on “Not Good Enough

  1. When you create, it’s your progeny. You protect it. That is a normal feeling for me and it’s personal to everyone. I’d like to be the mother of dragons, but jelly beans are all I’ve produced so far. Your work is your pleasure. For those who reject it, oh well. You are perfect. We enjoy you. Carry on.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I don’t know you but what I read here tells me you are a very good writer. And I hear what you’re saying… That is my my “Truth” too. Not as a writer (I know I’m not there yet!) but in other areas where I know I am good, but… I fear… Keep “winning.” Keep going.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much Joycee. I know this is part of the process. But…some of them hit harder than others. I think with this one it is so hard because I really felt it was happening. And I really believe in it. Thank you for understanding and sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. To face the possibility of rejection and put yourself out there anyway is extremely brave! You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of and deserve all the kudos in the world. I am very proud of you and all of your creative efforts!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I send you the biggest, most healing hug, and wish I could sit across a table and share some tea and just listen to you, Colleen. Nothing I have to say would take away from the hurt that comes with a big rejection, but I hope that knowing how much I admire you, and how kindness and talent and generosity I see in you, will at least fill a little of that void. Thank you for being so willing to share your vulnerability with us. That is a brave act! But you strengthen us…I go back to your generosity and kindness. See? An example! 🙂 We’ve all been where you are in some way. It can sure knock you off your feet, at least for a bit of time. You are special. I mean that!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Debra, when I wrote this I doubted I ‘should’. I wanted to be truthful but I didn’t want to appear vulnerable (though I was). And I am every time I hit publish or tell people I wrote something or doodled something. That is the hardest part…sharing it. Though I want to share it….it comes at a cost. And like you said, in some way, most everyone experiences that. I thank you, from my very tender vulnerability that I really do all I can to protect. I am very glad that this time, I did not. The kindness, understanding, and thoughtfulness that others have expressed to me has been that very cup of tea. Thank you Debra. I am sitting at my little lap table/desk (made due to a leg injury!) and imagining you sitting there with a pot of tea between us. Some day, I hope for that real tea. ❤️

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