I sat. Quietly. Looking at you.
Contemplating. Pondering. Considering. Whichever way of thinking about this you prefer.
It’s fascinating, when you think about it, is it redundant to consider thinking about thinking? But there you have it. It’s fascinating to know how much a brain can process, contemplate, consider, disregard, reconsider, and then make a decision on, in such a short period of time.
My thoughts were twirling as I sat and stared at you.
How to respond.
How to react.
Should I speak so very softly, to make you strain to hear.
Should I rally and rail, thunder and bellow.
Should I stand and smash my fist on the table.
Should I shove the table into you.
Should I glare and stare and try to force you to understand. Knowing that the attempt to force you to do anything, change anything or consider something different was a practice in futility.
But who doesn’t need a good practice run at futility once in awhile?
I did none of these things.
As you well know.
I stood up silently. Glancing at you smugly there. And felt peace. As I walked away. Leaving you behind.
Not wasting energy on you.
Knowing, I don’t need you.
You, who I cannot control,
Want in my life.
What is it you sit across from.
I hope it wasn’t a mirror.