Everyone should own one of these handbooks if they have a sibling. Feel free to add to it.
Rules Of Siblinghood:
Be it known that some of these are not merely “rules” but also considered “laws”. Adhere accordingly or take/pay the consequences at your own risk.
1. There is a hierarchy:
Oldest: You get to do everything first. You usually have to be most responsible. None of the younger ones have to respect you. You get away with a lot and all subsequent siblings will be compared to you forever. Rule with benevolence.
Middle: You have to do everything no one else has to do. You get beat up (please understand this term in context of sibling world) by the oldest. You have to take care of the youngest. The oldest does not respect you. The youngest does not respect you. You get away with nothing.
Youngest: You have to do absolutely nothing. You get to do whatever you want. Everyone thinks you’re the cutest. No one really respects you because you’re too young to respect. You get away with absolutely everything.
2. All siblings have the inherent right to torment, make fun of, and ridicule any and all siblings.
3. All siblings will have the back, of all other siblings, against any other human being on the face of the earth who torments, makes fun of or ridicules your sibling. (Law)
4. Older brothers shall at all times consider themselves as protectors of younger siblings. This does not go out of effect with age.
Addendum to #4: Any and all siblings must in turn step in to the role of protector if older brother siblings are in need of assistance, are out of the country, or otherwise and understandably occupied. Sibling groups without brothers shall rely on the toughest of the sisters. Besides, sisters are usually tougher any way.
5. All siblings must fully comply with the oldest sister’s wishes and demands. This applies even if the oldest sister is younger than you. (Law)
6. Youngest siblings shall be responsible for clean up after all family gatherings. (Law-somebody in our family probably should be arrested).
Addendum to #6: Do not expect this law to be followed. Ever.
7. At no time shall siblings rat out one another to the parents for the stupid things they got away with as children. Respect the secret code of siblings, forever. (Law)
Addendum to #7: This does not apply if you are the oldest sister (regardless of birth order) and the secret, properly exposed in a blog, is funny.
8. In sibling groups of 4 or larger:
1 sibling shall be an expert on medical questions
1 sibling shall be an expert on construction and home repair
1 sibling shall be an expert on legal matters
1 sibling shall always be willing to cook and/or prepare great food with little/no notice.
Addendum to #8: Any sibling with a significant other who is better at the expected role, than a sibling who currently holds this position may allow said significant other to take the place of that sibling. Putting the needs and wants of their siblings above their own ego.
9. Any sibling who is exceptionally good at tormenting, making fun of and ridiculing other siblings may (and should) want to realize they will catch a boat load of sh!# from retaliating siblings as they get older, wiser and craftier.
10. All siblings shall cheer the loudest and longest for any other sibling who reaches a long worked for goal, competes in a race, earns a degree, challenges themselves to do something inspiring and unexpected, or other lofty achievements that make all other siblings say dammmmmn that’s awesome!
11. No sibling shall ever turn their back on a sibling unless playing hide and seek.
12. No sibling shall ever steal shotgun position from another sibling who called shotgun. (Law)
13. Any sibling who witnesses another sibling trying to choke down a nasty vegetable they do not like because they can’t leave the dinner table until they do, may and should, eat all of that sibling’s vegetables if the witnessing sibling likes the said vegetable. If the witnessing sibling does not like the said vegetable they have no obligation to choke down extra portions.
14. Younger siblings shall at all times admire and adore the older siblings. Most notably and dedicatedly to the older sister sibling who changed their diapers, fed them, bathed them, watched them, and loved them as their first children.
15. All siblings shall be forever grateful for all of the torments, being made fun of or ridicules your siblings bestowed upon you and remember it fondly as you get older. And as the distance between youth and now gets greater all siblings shall keep sacred the bond of what they have and what they shared then. And miss now. (Law)
All in jest…………….not really.