I will find death. Because it’s there to be found. It is not elusive. And I, here, am not eternal. But when I find it I’ll have a few things to say in welcome. Yes, welcome. And a few things to say in parting.
To death I will say – you don’t get me because you have that power. You don’t have any power. You are just a gateway. A means. A passage. You don’t get me because you steal me from life. You get me because it’s my time and my agreement to go. Before I was here-my life was laid out-and I agreed to live it. I agreed to return once I was done. I may not know all purpose I serve but when I agreed, I knew. And I’ll know again when I’m done. There must be a fabulous reason I would have agreed to come here, knowing it would end, and an even more incredible reason to return. So to death I would say….you aren’t the answer or the end. You are just the middle.
To death I will say I am not yours. I am using you. I need to go through you to go where I cannot go while here.
To death I will say – I lived. I lived. I lived!
And I will live some more.
To death I will say – you do not stop me. Nor do you end me. Death is not capable of destroying eternity. Love is eternity. And I am love.
I will find death and I will take it by the hand. I will pull myself up, and up! Holding firmly to catapult myself in to my eternal future.
When I find death it will be with a lifetime of memories, here. To take Home with me to share. To help me learn and ascend into greater knowledge, humility and understanding.
Death will not find me fearful. Death will not find me cowering. Though in life I have been, and will be again, both fearful and cowering.
Death you need not be impatient. You have no right to come and get me. I will come to you when it’s time. You don’t destroy. You haven’t that right. There is only one time for me. And that’s when it will be. That moment of return-to a promise I made.
When I find death I will leave, here, unwhole. I will leave scattered behind me thoughts I shared, hours I laughed, days I screamed with frustration or excitement, moments I cried, a lifetime of love, pieces of me that others may need. I cannot leave here whole and I have no desire to. But I will leave here full.
Death you will not take me. I will find you and I will use you. You do not get to pick and choose. We will all have our rights to you.
I will not find you wanting. I will find you waiting. Until that time comes – I am busy finding more ways to live here. I have a contract to live. I get to live it fully. And it’s not you who finds me. I will go find you.
I wrote this, then published it in 2014 and 2017. It is one of my most personal favorites I have ever written. Every time I revisit it I feel empowered by it. It reminds me that I have things to do and love to live.