Because I Am

A friend made a comment referring to the “why me?” moments of our lives.  I can’t help but think about that.

Why me?

There was a time in my life when “why me?” was a plea.  A cry.  A weight on my heart.  I use to wonder why I had to look in the mirror and be disgusted with what I saw.  Why me?  Why wasn’t I like everyone else?  Why did I have to hang my head and know I wasn’t as special as the others I saw?  Why did others look at me and believe I was worthless?  Why me?  What was it about me that made me less valuable?  Why me?  Why was I only good enough to use.  And abuse.  Why me sang out in my head and in my cries.   I begged to know, why me.

That was a very long time ago.  And ‘why me’ has taken on a new meaning.   Because my pleas were answered.  I just had to have time to find my answers.  Because they were there, the answers.  It just took me this time, my life,  to find them.

I thank God for answering my questions.

Why me?

Because here I am.

And I am looking in the same mirror.  Now-I smile back.  Because I see me.  Not what happened.  Not an image someone else had of me.  I don’t see something that happened.  The image I see is the same image…perhaps with a laugh line or two.  But it’s who I am, when I look and see me.

But I still ask “why me?”

Why me!  Why do I look back and know that I am more valuable than anything anyone else did to me.  I am more important than the ugliness in someone else’s thoughts and actions.    Because I am.  I am more important.  And I am valuable.

Why me!  Why do I have so much joy in life and living!  Why do I hear laughter and song and feel the joy of it.  Why not!

Why me!  Why do I have a world full of people who share their lives, their beauty, and their precious time with me!  Because they love me!

Why me!  Why do I have faith in God and know He is good when there is such bad here?  Because He gives me the strength to overcome the evil others choose.

Why me!  Why do I have so many good things in my life and feel humbled by my many many blessings?  Because who I am is always my choice.  And what happens is my chance to choose right over wrong, choose life over vengeance, choose growth over stunted life.  Because I recognize life is not easy.  But at my worst, it was never more than what I could handle.  As long as I didn’t give up.  I’m humbled by the grace of the strength I find, the love I’ve known, the courage I found hiding in that child’s heart.

Why me!

Why not me?

I am as deserving as anyone.  I am as at risk as anyone.